Minister's Corner

OK. Perhaps we should have talked about this before. But in case you haven't noticed, CHANGE IS STRESSFUL!!!!!!!

So I have a keen eye for the obvious. But ALL of us need to accept this simple fact: change and transformation WILL create STRESS. Stress is absolutely UNAVOIDABLE when going through change. Why do you think so many people, and so many churches, AVOID CHANGE? Why do you think people can't lose weight, get out of debt, exercise more, stop smoking, stop drinking, control their anger, read the Bible daily, or whatever change they want to make? Why do you think so many churches can't grow and attract new people to their shrinking numbers? People, and churches, have trouble making positive changes in their lives that they KNOW will be good for them because change is difficult and automatically creates STRESS.

One of the things that was emphasized early on in our church transformation process is that the changes we will undertake will create stress. and I would say that Jefferson Presbyterian is currently in the throws of it. We are a stressed-out church. And that means that we are all experiencing stress in one form or another, individually and collectively.

And our circumstances are such that our normal, expected level of stress is compounded and even higher than normally expected. Our undertaking a transformation process for our church was expected to create a high level of stress and discomfort for us as we negotiated our way through the whitewater rapids of change necessary to grow and discover God's vision and calling.

Now, on top of that predicted and expected stress, we add an entirely NEW, UNEXPECTED, and ADDITIONAL very stressful circumstance of losing our sanctuary building in a fire and having to negotiate our way through the whitewater rapids of change with a rebuilding process and all that goes with it! We cannot afford to ignore the toll all of this stress is having on us.

When people are under stress, conflict naturally emerges. Think about your own personal life. When you are stressed, don't you find you have more conflict at home and at work? The same is true with our church. When we are under stress, we are going to have more conflict, anger, discord, dissatisfaction, problems, and unhappiness at church too.

One of the most common and easiest ways to try to deal with conflict is to try to find someone to blame for why things are not working the way you think they should be. Groups, and churches, very commonly start scapegoating individuals or small groups, blaming and attacking them for the problems and why things are not working. And often the people who have assumed, or have even been assigned leadership positions are most vulnerable to this. Leaders of committees, teachers, Session members, and/or the minister are often blamed for being too controlling or leading too strongly, or for not taking control and leading strongly enough. This leads to highly destructive gossip, backbiting, criticism, covert complaining, and behind the scenes plotting and power plays, all in the most unloving manner, that can quickly destroy the community of faith.

The erroneous thought here is, "If we just had a better leader, then we would not be having these problems and things would be better." One problem with this is that individuals and leaders are undermied in their efforts, have to work twice as hard, feel forced to resign, or, even worse, feel they must leave the church. Another problem with this is that the group or church members refuse to accept responsibility for the success or failure of what is happening. Each and every individual in the church is responsible for whether or not our church survives and thrives or disintegrates and disappears.

Another common way to try to deal with the conflict that arises from stress is to withdraw and give up. Nobody likes stress and conflict, so after a while many people decide they would rather not have any part of it, throw in the towel, and pull back. If you pull back, hopefully you can stay out of the line of fire and avoid the conflict. "Let somebody else deal with it!" You can withdraw by just showing up but doing nothing and not really participating. You can withdraw by having something to say or to contribute, but not saying it or not taking action to make your contribution. At its worst, you can withdraw by giving up and quitting. And the ultimate act of withdrawal is to leave.

The only antidote to all this is for every single person in our church to make a personal commitment to hang in there and not abandon ship. We CAN get through the stress, and we CAN get through the conflict, but only if we all stay committed to hang in there with each other and with the process. And part of that commitment to hang in with each other has to include that we do everthing we possibly can to treat each other lovingly and give each other the benefit of the doubt. We must get rid of all the destructive responses to stress. As Christians we must be better than that and rise above these harmful behaviors that will end up killing us. We cannot afford to waste and lose energy and momentum by being sidetracked with negative, destructive behavior. And we certainly cannot afford to lose anyone because they believe the only response they have left is to leave our church.

We absolutely MUST manage our stress. The stress we are experiencing is perfectly normal, predictable, and appropriate for the massive changes we are going through with our church transformation process AND our rebuilding process. Perhaps if we can acknowledge that the stress we are feeling is a normal part of the process, perhaps we can then better accept it. If we can accept and embrace our stress as normal, perhaps we can then get rid of the destructive forms of conflict that come as we try to avoid the stress.

Peter said, "Cast all your anxiety (stress) upon Him, for He cares for you." (I Peter 5:7) That's where we need to channel our anxiety and stress: we need to give it to God.

Peace & Blessings,
Rev. Garry